JOHN MCCRAE KILGOUR

Condolences & Memories (13 entries)

• John [aka Nick] Kilgour 1949-2023: some memories of John and his family. In the summer between grades 3 and 4 my family moved from Silver Heights in St James to River Heights. That same summer, I met John Kilgour. His family lived a block west, easily accessed down the back lane. Back lanes were the landscape of our youth. John and I said hi and that was the start of the longest friendship I have had or ever will. Many of my memories of John come from times spent we spent with his family, especially his mother Betty. Betty became like a second mom to me. She loved me and I responded in kind. I had numerous sleepovers with John and when I would awake in the night with typical 10 year old growing pains in my legs, Betty would massage them until I fell back asleep. John and his siblings knew Betty was the boss. So did husband Jack. “Jack, please pack the car, we’re about to leave.” He would give his pipe an extra puff and carry on unfazed, “Yes Betty.” She too smoked. Plain-end Export A’s. Inhaled deeply. A deep hoarse laugh. She finally noticed all her friends were dying of lung cancer, so she quit at about 75. John and I used to steal the odd cigarette and try it out. Once, after such a theft, I came home and the instant I opened the door into the kitchen, my mother said Have you been smoking? I confessed immediately - who wouldn’t when wondrous spooky skills like that are directed your way. [I expect Betty knew what we had done and phoned my mother, but at the time I thought I was a witness to dark magic.] 275 Harvard Avenue - the big rambling family home in which the Kilgour’s lived and I lived a block away on Kingsway in an equally big rambling family home. After school in grades 4-6, we usually went to John’s house until dinner - snacking, watching tv. That house was host to many parties when Betty and Jack were away. I also remember attending many memorable Xmas Eve parties and without fail every Xmas morning John would call excitedly and say What’s you get?! He jokingly kept that up through our whole adult life. The cottage on Coney Island at the Lake of the Woods was also an important place. Owned by Betty’s mother, Grannie Joyce, the family used it for many years in July and August. I was lucky enough to get invited every year for a week, which inevitably turned into two. The cottage was also a wonderful rambling thing, with an ice cream maker at the back, before entering a large friendly kitchen with a wood stove. The ice cream maker required thousands of turns to produce ice cream, everyone took their turn. The cottage was named Mirimachi by Betty’s parents. It’s an old aboriginal word, possibly meaning Mi’kmag Land. The word was painted on the rocks by the beach, easily seen from both the cottage and the lake. The Boat House was a significant place as well; two-storied with two boat slips. Upstairs were the bedrooms and a large front screened veranda where we spent many hours. John and I had parties up there, smuggling in girls. Jim Dowler, Norm and brother Charlie Paterson were often involved in these covert activities. Hunting in the fall with the Kilgour was a momentous annual pleasure. Betty and Jack went to Russell, Manitoba every Thanksgiving week. John and I would drive up for the last three days. The regulations did not allow Sunday hunting back then so that was a day for sleeping in and scouting for the next and final day. Betty’s brother Charlie Joyce often joined the fun. Later Kerry Dennehy and Steve Alsip would come as well. Jack loved the young guys and Betty spoiled us all. Rough and sharp-tailed grouse, partridge and ducks were the game we sought. The routine for a typical day in the field started with a morning shoot for ducks. If we had spotted the area properly, it could be very exciting. The afternoons found us in the fields looking for upland game. Betty would drive their brown station wagon, dropping the hunters off at the start of a line of poplars and then picking us up once we had walked the line, with Jack’s dog pushing the bush to get the bird to fly. We were all pretty good shots and came away with grouse nearly every time. The days in the field were some of the best days of my life. Back to Betty: Traditionally, after a successful push of poplars, Betty got out a folding table and chairs and set up shop. Cold cuts, Jack’s mustard, jellies, breads, fancy condiments that were well over my unsophisticated young head but tasting like heaven. The hunters arrived, anticipating what we knew would be the best lunch west of the Mississippi. She would twist the cap off a bottle of gin and throw it away. Won’t be needing that anymore, laughing like hell as did we all. Laughing like it was the best joke ever, which it was. She carried a bag with her in the car. It was a hard plastic blue bag carrying the booze. She called it the “B-Buddle Bag” and would say, “Get me the B-Buddle Bag Bud” to whichever of us boys was nearest to the bag. The response was immediate and enthusiastic. Yes Betty, coming right up! God she was fun. Jack and Betty had a second home on a bend in the Assiniboine River west of the city. It seemed like a long drive when we were young. All the way to and through Charleswood. Leave on a Friday around 5pm and back Sunday evening. That house was a gem, a bungalow with a steep slanted roof. The living room had a fireplace and faced the river. I recall a winter day when the adults challenged John and I to race across the river and back, on our hands and knees, through the deep snow. In those days, John would tease his younger brother Jim relentlessly. Jimmy would scream ‘Mother!! John’s bugging me!!” Betty would say, Oh John, stop it. He might…. or he might not. But despite that as the years rolled by, he and Jim became close friends. John wasn’t perfect but he was perfectly himself. Awkward in social situations, prone to rudeness without intention, he was happiest when around familiar people and things. He had a talent for making and keeping friends. There is a small group of us guys who have known him since the earliest days – Kerry Dennehy, Steve Alsip, Paul Tooley, Don [Fab] Jordan, Brian Parker, and a little later, Dr. Billy Doran. We tend to think of John as ours, that we were first and so back off all you latecomers. But that’s nonsense; John had many different groups of friends who felt very close to him. Fishing buddies, lake friends, family friends, some overlapped a bit, but they also existed as unique entities. I had often said to John “You are the glue that keeps this group together, over all these years.” He’d say “Whatever.” “Whatever” became his mantra in my mind – a phrase that fit John like a glove. His gruff hard exterior tried to hide a soft emotional interior. As he got older, into his 50’s, he allowed more of his real self to be revealed. He started to end telephone calls with “Love you.” What? Did Nick just say he loved me? And it wasn’t just me, he did it with others. Wow, that takes some nerve. I mean we all did love one another but to say it? Good for him. Good for him. One of John’s other talents was hard work. For decades he ran Kilgour Bell insurance offices at Lanark and Academy, a successful insurance brokerage. Like his effort building his cottage, his business was another hard-fought effort that yielded a fine income, and security for his family. His cottage on Lily Pad Bay near Keewatin served as yet another gathering place for family and friends. A standing rib roast in the oven on Sundays. A crossword puzzle always on the go, a fire in the hearth on the cold days, a great swimming on the hot ones. John aka Nick was the best friend anyone could have – loving, generous, loyal, and fun. He was a success, and a fine father. I am so sorry for his boys to have to suffer his passing. Even with his months-long deterioration from cancer, they weren’t ready to say goodbye. Neither was I. - Posted by: Paul Sweatman (Friend) on: Oct 03, 2023

• Good memories of John during the days of being on the Board of Big Brothers Winnipeg. RIP good sir. - Posted by: marc desrosiers (friend) on: Apr 14, 2023

• You have slipped the surly bonds. Those you leave behind treasure your memory and contemplate their own mortality. Deepest sympathies to John's family. I am sorry for your loss. - Posted by: Duncan Malcolm (SJR classmate. ) on: Apr 06, 2023

• All of us who were lucky enough to be loved by Nicki, knew how it felt to glow inside just from someone's love I hope to soar with him again. Too many memories but thank Heaven for all of them. And don't forget how proud he was when he built the guest house over the garage at Miramachi II. - Posted by: Steve Alsip (lifelong pal) on: Apr 04, 2023

• My father, Ted Allan, (“Uncle Ted”), was John’s godfather and John’s mother (“Auntie Betty”) was my godmother, so we were almost like family throughout my childhood. I was at John’s christening - that’s how long I had known him. In more recent years, after closing my camp at the lake, dinner with John marked the end of my summer. Like all John’s friends, I’ll miss him and send my heartfelt sympathy to all his family. - Posted by: Susie Fraser (Very old family friend) on: Apr 03, 2023

• I knew John for many years. Rebecca and I had the privilege of a Lily Pad visit in the summer of 2021, not long after we bought on LOTW. What a treat! John was a character, a raconteur, and a fine man. While I miss the twinkle in his eye, I know he lives on in his four boys and the many memories he authored. - Posted by: James Kirk (Friend) on: Apr 03, 2023

• See you on the other side, my brother. - Posted by: Don Jordan (Friend) on: Apr 02, 2023

• May your afterlife be as full and comforting as your past. Our hearts go out to your family and friends. God go with you! Hugh and Nina - Posted by: Hugh Swan (School friend) on: Apr 02, 2023

• Rest well old friend. - Posted by: Randy & Darlene Siver (Old friends) on: Apr 01, 2023

• Was introduced to John by Mike Stanley many years ago, had many great fishing trips! - Posted by: Peter Marykuca (Friend) on: Apr 01, 2023

• Simply one of the best friends a guy could have. I was treated like a member of the Kilgour family and adored his father, Jack and mother, Betty. We “rode” together fishing, hunting, partying and living the good life, leaving so many memories to numerous to mention. Many have contacted me with condolences, not only for John, but for me also because they knew how close we were. I like to think he took a permanent seat deep in an Adirondack chair on his porch, presiding over Lilly Pad Bay - Posted by: Kerry Dennehy (Friend) on: Apr 01, 2023

• We have lost a great friend for sure. Here was a guy who loved his boys more than anything. He also loved his friends wherever they were. John you will be missed. May you now be at peace. Sending you and your family all the love 💕 - Posted by: Ginny Dennehy (Friend ) on: Apr 01, 2023

• Condolences for John’s family. - Posted by: Fred and Marion Wright (Former Lily Pad neighbors ) on: Apr 01, 2023